Tips from the Potty-Training Trenches: Parent's Survival Guide
Potty training is a significant milestone in every child's development, it can also be a pretty daunting task for parents and definitely one of those anxious tensions we get slightly comparative or competitive about. Before I get myself in hot water I’ve got to say I’m not a professional in this realm, but I talk to a lot of parents and have my own child (who can use the toilet successfully). So in my experience, as you start this journey, I’d say remembering that patience, consistency, and positivity are the most key. Every kid is unique and will progress at their own pace, so try not to freak out if the other kids their age are further down the road or ‘picking it up quicker’. Unless there's a medical issue (which is out of your control anyway), you can and will help them get there. It might not be accomplished today, you absolutely will have to clean up a lot of their bodily fluids before you get them there but … it will happen!
Here's my attempt at a guide to help you navigate the world of potty training.
1. Good Timing Is Important: Start potty training when your child shows signs of readiness, such as having dry nappies for longer periods, expressing discomfort in dirty nappies, or showing curiosity about the toilet. Generally, children are ready anytime between 18 to 36 months, but it's important to follow your child's cues rather than adhering to a timeline or forcing a start when they’re just not interested.
2. Make a ‘Positive-Pooping’ Environment: Make the potty a friendly and inviting space. You could decorate it with their favourite characters or bright colours. Let kids pick out their own potty or toilet-seat adapter, involving kids in the process will make them feel more ready to make a start and reinforce in their mind that using the toilet is their achievement to accomplish. Come up with a nice phrase they can say too, something that makes everyone smile (but make sure it’s appropriate in every environment, as they may announce it in a quiet café when you are out!). I’ll have a go at some here, and give you ideas about how you might talk about “going to the potty party”.
3. Stay Positive and Patient: Expect accidents and setbacks, because they will happen (a lot!). Accidents are a normal part of the learning process, so keep your cool and avoid showing frustration if you can. Children may cry because they’re embarrassed and if you get angry or shout at them it might cause them to feel shame which is counterproductive (it makes it take longer or generally worse for them and you). Offer praise and encouragement for each small success, even when they have an accident try to find a positive if possible (“Well done! This time, at least, you made less mess…”). Positive reinforcement goes a long way in boosting your child's confidence and will help them to learn to “make a porcelain performance” quicker than otherwise.
4. Establish a Routine: Consistency is key. Having an idea of a regular schedule for “spending a penny”, I mean things like always asking after meals and before bedtime is a good start. Consistency helps your child understand the expectations and reduces confusion, it also just keeps it on their radar. In my memory, most accidents happened just because kids get caught up in what they are doing and forgot to think about whether they needed a wee.
5. Demonstrate and Explain: This isn’t one for the faint-hearted and probably the weirdest thing you’ll ever do, but if no one ever shows them how will they know? I always think that children often learn best by following your example. Let them watch you or older siblings “use the WC” and explain what is going on, this is particularly helpful when boys are learning to do ‘stand-up wees’. As always, stick to simple language that they’ll understand. I’d say it’s super normal to giggle about this while you do it too!
6. Choose the Right Equipment: You can get a variety of things to try! A potty chair or a seat adapter for your regular toilet, based on your child's comfort and preference. Some children feel more secure on a smaller potty, while others might want to mimic adults using the big toilet. You can even buy a potty that looks like the big toilet and has a flush with SFX built-in. Whatever it is, make sure the kids are happy to use it before you buy it and include them in the buying process if you can so they’re excited to “answer nature’s call”. If you’re not too precious I’d accept any preowned stuff people are willing to give you also, you’d be amazed how much more appealing a potty can be to a child if it was owned by an older child they know and love! But I get this is probably not for everyone.
7. Dress for Success: During potty training, choose clothing that's easy to take off quickly. Zips, clasps and buttons are all your enemies. Elastic waistbands mean quick access and simple pants can make the process smoother for your child, allowing them to manage the whole process independently each time they need to “take a Bio-Break”.
8. Let THEM do it: Give your child as much ownership as you dare over their potty training journey. Encourage them to tell you when they need to “make a quick stop”, let them pull down their own pants, sit themself on the potty, and flush ‘it’ away when they're ready (you probably want to do any pouring into the loo part as required, that could get messy otherwise!). This sense of control will give them increased confidence and should help make the whole transition smoother.
9. Celebrate Milestones: Celebrate each significant accomplishment, whether it's the first successful potty use or going a full day without accidents. Small rewards like stickers, or extra playtime can make the experience more exciting for your child; sweets are always controversial and I’d avoid them as rewards for things like this. Be careful not to get in the habit of giving rewards every time they use the potty too, this can become unhelpful. At the end of the day, it's an everyday activity and we don’t want kids becoming dependent on a reward every time they feel the need to “use the restroom”.
10. Be Prepared for Nighttime: Nighttime training will probably take longer, it’s not that unusual for kids to start school and still be in ‘training pants’ (based on my conversations at the school gate). However, when the time comes: limit fluids before bedtime, encourage “a comfort break” before sleeping, and consider using those ‘training pants’ until your child consistently wakes up dry. Be patient and avoid putting too much pressure on them (counterproductive).
11. Communication is King: Whether it's nursery/preschool providers, family members, or babysitters, ensure everyone is on the same page with your potty training approach. Consistency across all the different environments will make the process smoother and “visiting the facilities” will be kept simpler.
Potty training is a journey filled with ups and down, it’s not surprising if kids seem to have got it then suddenly regress. With a positive, intentional approach and a potty load of patience, you'll help your child master this skill. Don’t forget your kid is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Stay positive, stay consistent, and celebrate the small victories along the way. Before you know it, your child will be confidently “excusing themselves” like a pro. You’ve got this!
God Bless,
Dazz J