Nurturing Faith: How to Respond When Your Children Don't Want to Attend Church

Here’s a blog post for Christian parents (everyone else is welcome too though!) We hold the invaluable responsibility of nurturing our children's faith and guiding them towards a life rooted in Jesus. However, it is super normal, at some point, for children to resist attending church or at least express disinterest in matters of faith. While it can be disheartening, responding with love, understanding, and wisdom is important. In this blog post, we want to explore some approaches you can take and some ideas to try, to help you navigate this delicate and emotive situation and feed a meaningful spiritual journey for your children. Full disclosure, we won’t be telling you whether or not to force them to attend. That’s because their attendance isn’t the heart of the issue. It’s the fact that they don’t want to attend that is what needs to be explored with them, so we hope to ‘guide your approach’ not give you ‘one size fits all’ advice. Here goes …

1. Listen with Empathy:

When your child expresses reluctance or disinterest in attending church, it's important to actively listen and understand their perspective. It’s important they feel like you hear and understand. If possible, seek to uncover the reasons behind their resistance. Is it a lack of connection with peers? Do they have unanswered questions about their faith? Empathizing with their concerns demonstrates that their thoughts and feelings are valued. You will no doubt feel a multitude of different emotions when your child tells you they don’t or might not want to go to church anymore; but they will also be feeling lots of different things and it’s important, as the adult, to try and gain perspective on everyone’s point of view to help make a way forward.

2. Engage in Open and Honest Dialogue:

Create an environment where open and honest conversations about faith are welcome. Encourage your children to express their doubts, questions, and struggles. Meaningful discussions will not only address their concerns but also deepen their understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Be patient and remember that their journey will involve exploration, growth and ‘different seasons’. We do have the ability to bring our children to church for an amount of time, but we cannot make them enjoy it or want to attend and if we never give them the space to express their thoughts and feelings we could find out all of a sudden that they don’t want to go and that they have felt that way for a long time!

3. Set a Positive Example:

Your actions speak volumes to your children. Show them the importance of attending church by prioritizing your own commitment to worship and involvement in church activities. Make sure attending church is something you enjoy, children see more than we would like and if we have an unbalanced relationship with church and are serving and attending but ‘not enjoying’ then this will be obvious to them. Demonstrate and communicate any genuine joy and fulfilment you have in your own spiritual life. When they witness your authentic faith, it can inspire and motivate them to explore their own relationship with God. Where this is not something you have, be open about this too and talk to your kids about what changes you’d like to make. Be very intentional in keeping this conversation positive and constructive, being honest doesn’t mean we want to talk to our kids about all our hang-ups with the church, the goal is to encourage them to want to engage with it. Yet, this kind of transparency can be a great opportunity to teach them how to navigate difficult seasons in a faith journey and if children can experience this ‘second-hand’ before they have to do it ‘first-hand’ they will only be enriched by that wisdom.

4. Nourish Connection and Community:

Sometimes our children may resist church because they struggle to find a sense of belonging or connection. Encourage your child to participate in youth groups, Sunday school classes, or other church activities tailored to their age group. By building relationships with peers who share their faith, your child may discover a supportive community that strengthens their desire to be a part of the church. If your child can be socially anxious you will need to coach them through this a little, even the most introverted of us need to connect with others at our own age and stage to feel fulfilled and like we belong somewhere. If you’re socially anxious, are there other parents of kids you could connect with, if there is a limited number of kids their age in the church is there a youth group at another church they could attend for a while?

5. Teach them the Relevance of Church:

Help children understand the significance of attending church beyond its immediate benefits. Explore how gathering together as a community allows believers to worship, learn, serve, and encourage one another. Show them that the church is not merely a place for rituals but a source of spiritual nourishment and growth, to explore life with others and find meaning and fulfilment in following Jesus and living the best way we can.

6. Encourage Personal Spiritual Practices:

While attending church is vital, emphasize the importance of personal spiritual practices as well. Encourage your children to cultivate a habit of prayer, Bible study, and reflection (this won’t necessarily look like it does for adults!). Help them to explore what works for them, how they connect with God and engage with their spirituality more widely. By nurturing their individual connection with God, they may develop a deeper appreciation for the ‘gathered bit’ of worship and find a greater interest in the wider ideas of ‘what the Church is for’.

7. Get help! :

Reach out to your church's leadership for support and guidance. Pastors and youth/kids ministers are experienced in addressing the spiritual needs of people and may provide valuable insights, resources, or recommendations. They could also facilitate conversations with your kids, offering a different perspective that resonates with them and helping a conversation flow around this subject.

There is no exact strategy here, no ‘right or wrong’ approach to this kind of challenge. When faced with a child who resists attending church, remember to respond with empathy, create an open dialogue, foster connection and set a positive example. Parenting itself is a journey of faith, filled with both joy and challenge. If we can guide our kids towards a deeper understanding and appreciation of their faith: ‘what it is’ and ‘how it works’, then we’re doing something amazing. Trust in God's guidance, know that each child's spiritual journey is unique, and hold fast to your commitment to nurturing their faith.

God Bless